Insecurities
This past week I’ve arranged my vacation for the summer. Surf, Yoga, Crossfit and a good 10 days visiting my grandparents in Portugal. Surfing, strand etc also includes a new bikini and it came in today. I ordered it in two sizes, and in my head I was Super Sexy with my muscular body. That’s always different, especially when you order online. For a few seconds I was insecure and then I thought; shit, I want a good bikini to be able to surf in and I can’t do that in any of my current bikinis which are mainly made for lying in the sun.
While I was having lunch I was thinking more about it, insecureties, frustrations, dissatisfactions.
As a Personal Trainer you deal with different people, everyone has their insecurities. Not only the ladies I train with but also the men. The men only express it differently than the ladies.
Where we as women often get tears (frustration tears) the men often react angrily. As a Personal Trainer I find it part of my job to work on certain insecurities. (And to reduce them or just get rid of them).
That does not alter the fact that I myself also have insecurities. When I look at the past, they have changed over time and I have learned to deal with them better. Of course I still have insecurities, but they don’t affect my life as much as they did when I was in high school or studying.
The hours I spent studying the stretch marks on my back because of a growth spurt, how I didn’t want to sunbathe on my belly in public, because everyone could see them, and at home they were just lying on my belly in the garden, so hopefully they would get a tan. (Never happened by the way, they are still there). Then came my thighs, really terrible, way too big and muscular, not a size 0 as everyone around me had, I thought, then it got too chubby, and at one point I found myself downright ugly. However, during my school/student time I was never insecure about my personality or the things I did.
I still have my insecurities about my body, but only once in a while I am reminded of that (see picture below) and then I put on something else (in this case a bigger size) or think about all the things I do have and am proud of.
What I am insecure about nowadays is my ability and knowledge. With a Partner who has a PhD in Astrophysics and a large number of acquaintances and friends with a good university education, I sometimes feel uneducated. But what I have learned in the past, is to make your insecureties your strengths, and I can now apply that!
Those muscular heavy upper legs come in handy in Crossfit and my lower back is one of the most developed muscles, so nowadays I don’t have problems with my back anymore. I have always been able to learn well and that makes it easier to understand the body, how we move and what can be strengthened. I may never become an astrophysicist, but I know a lot and can apply my knowledge.
So if you are tomorrow at the gym and you won’t be able to finish that one exercise (again), or tomorrow you are participating in a WOD and you won’t make it within the Timecap, when you are riding your bike and everyone is going faster, or you look in the mirror and only see fat, try to think of what you have overcome, what you can be proud of.
What is out of your reach today will be your normal life in a year’s time. What you find ugly nobody else sees and you probably won’t see in the future.
